Virginity, lost it yet?

A recent survey states the average age for losing virginity is 17. Is that so or are teenagers getting sexually active even earlier? Debarati S Sen explores ...

Studies have revealed that children, these days, are losing their virginity at a very young age. Experts say that with the average age of puberty going down to 9-10 years for girls and 10-11 years for boys, the average age for losing virginity too is going down. And the deadly paring with this is — awareness about sex is more these days and information (not always from the right sources) is freely available. Television, movies and most prominently the Internet is loaded with extremely easily accessible information and graphic details. This, most of the time, helps to entice the youngsters to experiment, who already have hormones raging through them.

Anju Uppal, principal of an international high school says, "I have been dealing with children for a long time and I do believe that children these days are losing their virginity very early. They get attracted to each other and are tempted to take it all further."

Curiosity killed the cat
Psychiatrist Dr Anjali Chhabria says, "It's human nature to be curious. A teenager would definitely want to experiment and experience the information he/she has heard about sex. For certain kids who are more shy, withdrawn and introverts, social networking sites are best for communication. Kids who may be new to exploring sexuality or may have a high drive, do indulge in cyber sex or phone sex at times." Anju Uppal adds, "They are much more aware of things these days and they are very keen to experiment."

Lack of attention from parents
With most parents working, kids are without proper supervision (a maid would not even understand the nuances of phone or cyber sex) and free to do as they like. "Sometimes the attention from the parents is not enough, kids may indulge in these things just to attract negative attention from parents," says Dr Chhabria.

Family history
Children who are from broken families are prone to indulge in flings with multiple partners without emotional attachments. Seema Hingorrany, clinical psychologist adds, "When there is a marital discord between parents the children may try to cling to their relationships and are ready to lose their virginity to hold on to it."

Sex isn't taboo anymore
Sex in our society is also not such a taboo as it used to be earlier and virginity is not such a big deal. Psychotherapist Shilpa Raheja agrees, "Virginity has lost its sacred value. 'Saving your virginity for marriage' is something that is even laughed at these days by some people." This attitude, though not very common is accepted.

Influence of alcohol
Is influence of alcohol or substance abuse one of the reasons that lead to lowering the age of sexual activity among children? Dr Chhabria says, "It may not be one of the reasons but it may stimulate the sexual urge further for them to indulge in sex. Also substance and alcohol tend to reduce the anxiety towards sex and alter consciousness which definitely plays a major role in letting the person freely perform sex."

Peer-group pressure
To have a boyfriend or girlfriend is like a status symbol say experts. "So much of 'hanging around' at pubs, cafes and discos are happening. You need a girl in your arms when you walk in to a party," says Shilpa. There are children who have their reasons for absistence but sometimes they are counteracted upon in a very strong way by the friends and the peer group. "Friends often provide the means when a parent refuses," says Anju.

Proper education needed
Yes we all know sex education is provided in schools. Period. But with rampant teenage pregnancies it obviously is not enough. Shilpa says, "Talking openly about sex is still not common. Parents usually want some other organisation to do the sex-talk with their kids."

Effects on children
Seema says, "In the last five years I have seen the number rise rapidly. Around 50-75 per cent young girls and guys lose their virginity much before they are anywhere near adulthood. And this affects them mentally. When kids are in Std 5, they have crushes and before they are in college most lose their virginity. When such a relationship does not work out depression hits them. There are anxiety disorders, eating disorders and feelings of guilt that may ruin their childhood."

Expert advice for parents
A good relationship between parents may be important where both have similar parenting styles. Parents need to be role models and need to make their child see how important is love, affection, care and commitment in a relationship. They need to explain that sex is something precious to be shared with the person you love and not just an act of physical satisfaction.The emotional problems that come up with losing virginity at an early age and that come along with multiple partners needs to be explained to your child with a lot of patience. Children also need to understand that their parents are the one who they need to confide into. Also all information from friends and elsewhere needs to be confirmed as it may not always be true. Children also need to judge better for themselves what is right and wrong and what will be good for them in the future.

Advice for teenagers
-The only way you can guarantee that you won't catch a sexually transmitted disease and won't get pregnant is abstinence.
- No one can force you into it. 'If you loved me you'd do it', can be countered with a 'If you really loved me you would wait'.
- Saying a no to a person even if it is someone you have said a yes to earlier, is perfectly okay.
- Always keep in mind that despite what rumors and gossip may suggest, virgins are a majority in most high schools, not a minority.
- If you want to show someone how much you care intercourse is not the only way to go about it. Don't let others try to convince you otherwise.
- If you kiss someone passionately does not mean that you have to go on to having sex with them.

Confessions of a Beauty Junkie!

As a kid, I remember going to weddings and seeing the bride suddenly look drastically different than what I'd remember her as - a pale face, multiple shades lighter. On further investigation, I found a glass bottle full of a thick paste which, when applied liberally, seemed to have that effect.

My mother, already wary of my unnatural interest in make-up, warned me to keep away from it, telling me it is only something that brides and older women use. And as much as I grew up loving make-up, steered clear of any foundation fetish though I wouldn't think twice about picking startling shades of eyeshadow.

Till about 6 months ago, I was a foundation virgin - and proud of it. It all changed when at a store, an assistant tried to sell me a pot of mousse foundation. Not only did it cover all my flaws - pores, scars, etc., it was light, and didn't even look like I was wearing base!

Now, I do realise you may not agree with me, so I decided to rope in Ritila Anar, head make-up artist at Inglot to tell you what base can do! "There are so many varieties of foundation available - powder, cream, liquid, mousse, and silicone gel. You can pick a consistency that suits your skin type. The purpose of foundation is to even out skin tone and to make the face a clear canvas to apply make-up. Infact, because of the climate change - a base is practically a skin care product now. It provides an extra layer of protection from the UVA and UVB rays."

I also had a little chat with Lisa Whyte, sales and education manager, Clinique , India, who told me, "Indian women think foundation=cream=something that clogs pores. As a result of that, they tend to use a lot of compact powder, which can change colour on oily skin, and make dry skin look dehydrated and cakey. The right shade gives you sheer coverage and doesn't look like make-up; it just looks like great skin!

If I've managed to convince you to venture into the stormy waters, I suggest you head to the nearest fashion store and discover Your Shade, Your Finish, Your Match. Hurry up! You're only a couple of hundreds away from flawless skin!

Now, a math formula to find you your perfect lover

Math has solved many a complex equations over the years, and now it can also find you the perfect answer to who might be the best lover for you.

Anthropologist Barnaby Dixson studied what the sexes found attractive in a partner across cultures.

According to news.com.au, Dixson said the same formula for what men favoured in women came up almost every single time- a waist-to-hip ratio of 0.7.

Which means, a waist measurement exactly 70 per cent of the hip circumference is the perfect number.

And who are the lucky ones who already have it? Actor Jessica Alba, Marilyn Monroe, Victoria's Secret Angel Alessandra Ambrosio and supermodel Kate Moss.

Avoid an ugly break-up!

Ending your relationship can be a messy affair, but here’s how you can avoid creating an ugly scene

Not all relationships last a lifetime and often it’s best to end things before they get ugly. So, now you have decided to break up with your girlfriend/boyfriend. But don’t think it’s an easy job. It’s likely that the other person still has feelings for you, so try and ensure that you end things graciously so that a beautiful relationship doesn’t end with an ugly fight.

Don’t break up at a public place:
While you may have gotten used to the idea of breaking up your girlfriend/boyfriend may need sometime to get used to the idea. So ensure that there’s some privacy when you are breaking up. You wouldn’t want to be a part of an ugly scene or fight and be a spectacle for those at the joint.

Don’t get into it at your usual hang out:
Break-ups can be messy, so don’t opt for a place that you are likely to frequent. In case you don’t part of absolutely amicable terms at least people who know you won’t be a witness to any kinds of fight.

Don’t be too casual:
Don’t break up while you are doing some mundane task like picking up groceries or chomping on a huge burger. Give your relationship and your partner some respect and plan how you want to go ahead with it.

Breaking up over sms or email:
While this may work for some, it may prove to be hara-kiri for others. Those who cannot express themselves may find the options of writing an email or a letter very appealing and it’s not a bad option considering it allows you to elaborate your feelings. Also, it’s prefect for those who prefer to avoid confrontation. Breaking up over SMS, however, can be highly insensitive. After all 160 characters can’t be enough to end a relationship. However, breaking up over SMS too has its share of fans and has worked for many people.

Avoid breaking up over networking sites:
Those status message or pictures that you post are seen by so many people. Do you want all of them to be witness to your break-up? Plus if your break up is not an amicable one, do you want them to enjoy a mud slinging match between your and your girlfriend/boyfriend?

The slow and steady way:
The best way to break up often turns out to be the slow and steady way. This is where you make your partner realise that things are not working out between you. Give him/her sometime to get used to the idea, so that when you go for the ‘big’ talk, it doesn’t come as a nig surprise for him/her.

Don’t put all the blame on your partner:
Don’t go hammer and tongs at your girlfriend/boyfriend when you decide to give that big break up speech. Be practical and tell your partner that this is what you think would be best for you.

Don’t make false promises:
Even if your partner gets highly emotional or cries buckets, don’t make false promises like ‘I’ll think about it’ or ‘maybe we can give it another shot’, unless you really mean it. Once you feel that a relationship is going nowhere it’s silly to keep dragging it just because you care for the other person. Understand the difference between friendship and love and act accordingly

It’s amazing how sometimes we’re overwhelmed by the simple pleasures of life. Like a few words of reassurance, a compliment, a look of the eyes that tells you it’s one of genuine concern, a squeeze of the hand, a kiss, a hug or even a phone call.

It’s a pity that we often overlook them in our daily grind and look for more expensive means to tackle our depression, insecurity, self-doubt, self pity, and the works. And thanks to our myopic vision, the psychologists, marriage counsellors, education counsellors, and whathaveyous are having a field day out there.

Relationships and marriages are the worst sufferers. They are falling apart like nine pins because neither can take the stress at work and obviously they don’t have the patience or tolerance to hear each other out amicably once back home. The war’s given up even before it’s begun. They agree a third party intervention is essential to sort their personal matters out. And sharing confidential information with third parties always come for a price. A rather hefty one at that. But no worries, there’s enough disposable income to waste on the quirks. One’s pain and loss provides vicarious emotional and financial pleasure to another.

“Am in love” is a phrase that has been duly replaced with “Am going steady” “or am in a relationship”. Being in love, feeling the warmth of his/her presence, wallowing in love, blinded by love are all passé and one runs the risk of being branded an emotional fool. It’s all about a “workable relationship” now. Will it or won’t it work. Simple.

Move aside, heart. Step in, head. Don’t dream about those never-ending walks into the sunset or the cosy rain-soaked cuddle. Just do it, sing those romantic songs and dance around a few trees, if you must.

Don’t just plunge in and say “I love you.” Think of the kind of “investments” you need to make and the various “exit plans” you must keep handy before saying “I Do”.

Alas, why didn’t I think of these ever? Haven’t made any investments, nor do I have an exit plan. Just plunged into the deep end and swimming my way through. Is my future doomed? Or am I just being an incurable romantic?

At the risk of all those rotten tomatoes landing in my comment section, I’d still say: People, save that money, take some time off to sit down and look into each other’s eyes, hold that hand, smile, hug and kiss. And, when you are miles away, just call. Priceless ways of working wonders on that mind and heart.

Hug

A hug is a form of physical intimacy, not necessarily sexual, that usually involves closing or holding the arms around another person or group of persons. The hug is one of the most common human signs of love and affection, along with kissing.Unlike some other forms of physical intimacy, it is practiced publicly and privately without stigma in many countries, religions and cultures, within families, and also across age and gender lines.

Sometimes, hugs are a romantic exchange. Hugs may also be exchanged as a sign of support and comfort. A hug can be a demonstration of affection and emotional warmth, sometimes arising out of joy or happiness at meeting someone.

Brief in most cases, it is used to show many levels of affection. It is not particular to human beings alone, as there are many species of animals that engage in similar exchanges of warmth.

Hugging has been proven to have health benefits. One study has shown that hugs increase levels of oxytocin, and reduce blood pressure.

There are different variations of hugs. Prolonged hugging in a cozy, comfortable position is called cuddling. Spooning is a cuddling position, a kind of hugging when both the hugger and the hugged persons face the same direction, i.e., the front of one person is in contact with the back of the second one. The person whose front is in contact with the other's back is referred to as the "Big Spoon" and the person whose back is in contact with the other's front in referred to as the "Little Spoon".

In May 2009, the New York Times reported that "the hug has become the favorite social greeting when teenagers meet or part these days" in the United States.

Despite hugging being widespread across human culture, several cultures - such as the Himba in Namibia - do not embrace as a sign of affection or love.

Six things not to say on a date!

Do you wonder why the hazel or brown or maybe that blue-eyed girl suddenly left you amidst a conversation which you felt was interesting or why the handsome hunk didn’t call you back after the first date? We tell you things you shouldn’t say on a date.

My dog is my first love!
Even if a guy loves pets, he definitely doesn’t want to be fed pet talk on a date. So completely avoid the topic with him - you'll know soon enough that he doesn't share the same passion. Confessed software engineer Prashant Nag, “My first girlfriend was obsessed with her dog. Whenever we met at her place, I had to bear with all the drooling and cajoling. Fearing she might feel hurt, once I requested her to lock her dog inside a room, to which she freaked out. I walked off and never called her again.”

My job sucks!
It is a big turn off to be around a person who’s forever cribbing. If you are not in a good mood, it’s better to cancel the date instead of spending hours sulking and boring the guy to death. “I had a bad day at work and in the evening I had a date with an interesting guy. My mood was so black that I complained the whole evening. He did look bored but after that evening he never took my calls again,” says call center executive Shikha Tikka.

‘I support the Congress’ Guys and girls, it’s time to know that no one wants to know your political inclinations and that too on a date. Stay away from such subjects. The rule is to keep it light and interesting!

‘My parents are pushing me to get married’
It won't be a great start if on the very first date you start reciting your marital dreams. Admits freelance writer Pushkin, “I met this interesting girl at a pub and we started chatting. Soon after, she told me about her sister’s marriage and how her parents are now finding a boy for her. It was such a put off. I soon found my way out of the place, sans her.”

‘I hate chocolates, they are so fattening’
So, you are careful about what you eat? It maybe good for your health and body, but definitely not a good thing to say on your first date. “Knowing that every girl loves chocolate, I took a bar of Swiss chocolate for her expecting her to jump with joy. But she made a sad face and said: ‘You think a person like me will risk eating chocolates?’ And this was not it; she didn’t let me order anything proper,” says college student Satvik Sharma.

‘Don’t drive so slow!’
Don’t hurt a guy’s feelings by telling him ‘you are too adventurous.’